Yesterday, I was looking at the tree and burst into tears! I looked at the elf and realized he was the model for the "Elf Story" that is popular with small children today. For some reason, that little elf brought forth a flood of emotions, missing my Mother, My Mom and Dad, remembering my youth, friends, the hurts, and the happiness. I was also overwhelmed with the deepening feeling of my own demise.
Now that topic has never been a topic of thought for me. Even as a Navy Gunner's Mate, as dangerous as that profession was, did I ever think of death. Lately however, the thought of death seeps into my mind. As I have said before, my neurologist in Virginia Beach told me I had not yet come to terms with this disease. That was over a year ago and now I am beginning to address the outcome of LBD. I guess I am a slow starter!
Now don't get me wrong, it actually feels good to cry. To be able to release the emotions that build up is a relief, not a problem. So, I am glad this has come to me. I am also beginning to look at life from a different prospective. I always knew that I would die, someday. Everyone know that. But, in my mind, that day was an eternity away! Now, I know that it is not. I am beginning to enjoy life more. For instance, Christmas! I always dreaded Christmas. I had some very difficult memories of Christmas from my youth and the entire hustle and bustle of Christmas was just overwhelming to me. I resisted putting up the Christmas tree and really resisted putting up out door lights. Now, I want the tree up as early as possible and I have my front yard as a witness to the birth of Christ with a very large, lighted, Manger scene. I have lights along the roof of the house and I have plans for even more lights and a camel and donkey in the front yard for next year!!
So, crying is a positive thing for me and I believe I am beginning to realistically deal with Lewy Body Dementia. More to come.