Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Confrontation, disagreement, bother me!

I know I have addressed this problem before, but I believe it is getting more pronounced.  Any situation that is based in or has an escalation to a confrontation causes me to become upset and also causes my "Fight or Flight" responses to surface.  Normally, I just want to get away from or peaceably stop the situation and return to calm, normal conversational topics.  I have had a couple of angry outbursts in the car when someone does something that I feel threatens us.

I realize this is a normal emotion in everyone but it is amplified in me and happens earlier in situations that ever before.  Additionally, I react the same way with the discussion of our finances, even though our finances are demonstrably fine.  The normal discussion of our financial goals and condition causes me to recoil and immediately change the topic.  That or I just quickly agree with my wife and change the topic.  Now, I used to do all the long range finances and savings plans.  Now, I want nothing to do with the topic.

This change causes a challenge for my wife.  It causes her to either shield me from controversy or watch me react to it.  She has to walk on egg shells because of me and that is not fair.  But, she knows I am not at fault, it is the LBD.  The interesting part is, right now, when I am doing well, and there are no issues at the fore front, I can write about this issue and describe my emotions.  But, when I am negatively impacted by the events or topic of the discussion, I just react, without reason or thought.  This truly is an interesting, unpredictable, maddening, disease.

Of course, I know soon, I will not have the good times as much.  So, it is good to describe these reactions now for all to learn.  Thanks for listening.

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