Monday, November 26, 2012

OK, I am back, but bruised!

My friends, after three weeks I have decided to leave my self imposed prison and begin to communicate to you, my LBD family.  The results of the election were more than I could handle and I could not find a way to express my anger and disgust.  I now accept the fact that the GOD of the universe is in charge and HIS will IS being done!  It truly does not matter what I want or think!  HIS will is going to be done.  That being said, I will try to put the pieces of what's left of my emotions back together.

LBD updates;  I find it more and more difficult to deal with controversy and disagreement.  I cannot express myself effectively and my "Fight or Flight" emotion takes over.  To date, I can control that emotion.  I fear that someday I will not be able to.  I remember my "easy going" Father in Law getting into a fist fight at the nursing home once or twice when he had Alzheimer's.  I was very surprised then, but no so now.

I also have difficulties dealing with commitments on my time.  While I want to be involved in organizations I recoil at any demand on my time through scheduled, meaningless, social, meetings.  My view is, if we have something to do, let's do it.  If not, leave me alone.  On second thought, just leave me alone anyway.  I enjoy time with my wife and family without encumbrances from any outside group.  I guess I am becoming a recluse.

Any confrontation is too much for me.  Recently we had issues with out cable company.  I called them, probably not the best idea,  and they told me tough luck.  My view was, OK, I quit!   We have changed out service for Internet, cable, and telephone, to a different company at a lower rate with better service.  But I hope they don't forget customer service because they are the only other choice!  Again, that "Fight or Flight" issue.  Interesting!

Another issue is making decisions.  I can't seem to make a decision on anything.  My wife knows how to deal this issue.  She suggests one or two things like meals out, places to go, or activities, and then directs me to a solution.   I know she does this and I am fine with it.  If I have to make the choice, we will never go any where or eat any thing.

My body does not work like it used too.  I have become accustomed to my alternating bouts of constipation and diarrhea.   I also understand my issues with aspirating when I eat.  Now, I have to dal with biting my lip when I eat!   My left, lower, lip just began getting between my teeth when I eat or even chew gum!  Ouch!  I am sure this is something the neurologic tells me he was expecting, just like punching my wife in my sleep.  I a sure there is more exciting issues to come.

My wife drives more and I use my cane more.  She should probably drive all the time and I should use my cane all the time.  But I go at this in stages.  I still try to be the master of this relentless disease. I refuse to give up without a fight!

Well, it is good to be back in communications with all of you.  There will be more to follow.

1 comment:

  1. Glad you are back. And you are right, God is in charge, even though I often like to pretend otherwise (sigh).