Sunday, October 14, 2012

How my mind works, now

How does your mind work?  Are you one of those people who's mind runs all the time?  It never stops,  You think of solutions to problems that have not yet occurred?  I used to be that way.  Now, I have to really try to think of things.  Otherwise, my mind is blank.  When I do think, I often think about my past and I am very comfortable with that.  My Navy career is often the topic of my thoughts and dreams.  And again, I am comfortable with that also.

However, I do have thoughts that I do not like.  Sometimes, I think of the thing I have done that are not so noble.  Those things I did wrong either by mistake or on purpose.  Many of these "Sins" are from my youth but not all of them.  They are all "Confessed" to GOD but the bother me anyway.  In many cases, I did or said something that hurt someone I loved.  Other events that come to mind are things that I know went wrong, were my fault either by action or inaction,  and resulted in a problem, a catastrophe, or could have related in serious injury or loss.

Sometimes these thoughts, memories, of my shortcomings cause me anxiety, sadness, or even depression.  I hate and regret the fact that I hurt someone's feelings or wronged someone.  I often wish I could tell everyone that I wronged that I am sorry.  But the thought crosses my mind that they probably don't even remember.  But that may be me trying to sooth my conscience.

None of us is perfect.  In the Book of Romans it is written; "None is righteous, no not one"  and; "All have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of GOD".  I know this, but in these days of living mentally in the past, I still relive my failures.  I wonder if others on the same journey as I am have the same problems?

2 comments:

  1. I also spend more time in the past and for some reason, regrets are more frequent. Even little things or events sometimes plague me over and over again. I am also having some new feelings of paranoia, thinking that my siblings aren't paying attention to what I have to say, or they don't believe I have this disease, etc. etc.

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  2. I don't want to fall into the trap of saying 'I'm like that, too!', when I don't have LBD . . .

    . . . but I guess all of us have such thoughts as we get older.

    I imagine you have them more often, and perhaps more intensely; they may also last longer; but I think there is something literally true in the phrase 'Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.'

    If you can think of times people have made you angry, or hurt you - recently, or long in the past - and find a way of forgiving them, this might help lift your feelings of guilt.

    Though I guess that may only be true if the feelings are not mostly or entirely due to your LBD! I have no idea whether that is true or not.

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