Monday, July 30, 2012

Anger issues Part II

OK, I went off course on my last post.  I was going to talk about the anger issues.  Like last year at our Seniors apartment.  We had returned form a shopping trip and we had numerous bags of food to take up to our third floor apartment.  No problem, we had a cart in the garage that handled the bags well and there was the elevator.  When I pushed the elevator button, nothing happened.  No lights, no sound of the elevator moving to the ground floor.  Nothing!  I thought the elevator was out of commissioned.  I was frustrated but I also understand that mechanical things break.  Just the same, it WAS working when we left because we rode the elevator down.  So, I started carrying the groceries up the three flights of steps and then I noticed the elevator stopped on the second floor, door open, and full of furniture.  Someone was moving into a second floor apartment.  I said to the young men moving the furniture;  Move the furniture out of the elevator so other people can use it.  The sarcastically said; "No, it's OUR elevator!"  I BLEW UP!!  I mean really BLEW UP.  I was ready to fight, I was screaming at the top of my lungs using language that would have won me the World's Swearing Championship!  People in the next building, behind closed doors, heard me.  I know, they told me!  Then, after challenging them all to a fight, I went over and exploded on the management staff!!  It was ugly.

After I returned home and calmed down, I knew I had to apologize to everyone and anyone I offended.  I did so, even to the sarcastic young fellows.  I was embarased and my wife was upset.  That was the first time I really understood that my "Social Filters" were broke.  LBD had taken my ability to be nice in tough times.  Something I used to pride myself in.  It has happened more recently also, but you get the idea.  In the blink of an eye, I went from happy to ready to fight!  I was not just angry at the situation, I wanted revenge!  Thank GOD for restoring my sensibility.  But I know, this will only get worse.  So, we guard against it and try to stay out of situations that may encourage rage.  But I cannt stay completely away from life, so in my daily interactions, I am sure I will once again explode.   can only pray it is controlled.  My wife is my human rock and sh understands me better than anyone else.  She should after 40 years of marriage.

Anger and rage are real issues for those of us suffering from Lewy Body Dementia.  Again, thanks to others for sharing their experiences.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and insights with us. My dad has LBD, and what you share helps me understand what he is experiencing so much better. All the best to you and your wife. I'll be reading. -Cecilia