I have written about anger, especially my anger, in the past. I wrote about the time I lost my temper, BIG, at our previous apartments. NO, we DID NOT move to Florida at the request of the apartment management! (ha ha) Just the same, anger out of frustration and self pity is a problem.
Now there is a revealing statement. I am frustrated over the way I am treated by the medical world, the Veterans Administration, other people. It frustrates me when people who do not know me and have no reference point as to where I was mentally or physically, tell me, I am fine or that I don't appear to be sick! I do have a diminished self because I cannot do or remember the things I used to. I feel less of a man because I fall of ladders, get exhausted mowing a small yard, or get completely incoherent in a store.
But most of all, I hurt, mentally, inside, continuously. Some of the medical professionals call this depression, but that is not it. It is more like self loathing. An I angry, yes. Do I show it outwardly, no. Why, it is just not a good idea. So, I hold my anger inside, control it, subdue it. I have told you before, for some reason, I cannot cry. I have had that issue since just before my diagnosis. I believe it is related to LBD just like acting out my dreams is.
Another issue is communicating with others. I find it increasingly difficult to discuss my symptoms and their progression with anyone. The doctors don't care and others just glaze over and ignore me. Some want to tell me they have the same symptoms! That really aggravates me! If you have these issues, go through the pain of getting a diagnosis of your own. Other wise, quit diminishing my disease by telling me my symptoms are no worse that yours and you are normal! I am not normal, I have Lewy Body Dementia, and I am tired of having to prove it all the time.
Since I was a small boy, I have known I was color blind. Not totally, just what they call a color deficiency. Every time I would tell some one that, they would give me a color test! "What color is my shirt?" They did not believe I was color blind even though the medical community said I was. Their opinion was, you can walk, talk, function in society, you CAN'T be color blind! It's the same invisibility I suffer with LBD!
However, my anger must be controlled for my well being and the well being of my wife. Sh has been the one true supporter and cheerleader through all this. Regardless of how the medical professionals treat me of better yet, ignore me, I must remain in control. SO, since you are my only support group; is this an issue with any of you or those you care for?