Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Can't deal with the things of life.

I have found and increasing inability to deal with all but the mundane things of life.  A mention of the budget, what we spend, savings, planned purchases, anything money, make me want to run into the closet and hide!   This problem has been growing and I knew it was there, but the recent rapid rise is disturbing to me.  Now, I will be honest, I was never into the day to day budgetary management of our family.  My wife has handled that job in an exemplary manner over our almost 39 years of marriage.  But, it never caused me pain when we discussed our budget, and I always managed the long term finances.  But now, I am overwhelmed and repulsed by this topic to the point of wanting to run away.  It would be interesting if it were not so unnerving for me.  I am quickly loosing contact with daily life.  There is little I want to do, and that is not totally new, just more so.  I only want sleep, eat, and watch a few television shows, mostly reruns, that I like.  I see no need to shower daily, shave, or even brush my teeth.  This also has been a progressive degradation.

But, it is what it is.  My wife makes a great effort to get me out of the house and takes me places of interest.  Today, we walked the Navarre Pier.  It was a warm day and a pleasant time.  But, she wanted to look at the fish, the surfers, and move around the pier, I wanted to sit on a bench.

I realize this is the natural progression of my disease, but for the first time, I am actually angry at my condition.  Again, a new emotion.  We will see what happens next.

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