Monday, August 29, 2011

Things I would like to know before...

There are some mysteries in my past that I really would like to have the answers to.   Not, who shot JR Ewing, or what someone would do for a Klondike bar, but there is one question I want to have the answer too.

Those of you who know who I am, may know that I was raised by some marvelous people, who loved me dearly, and I love them, but were not related to me genetically.  My mom and Dad did not have legal custody of me until I was 16.  By then I had got myself in a heap of trouble and my Mom took my shovel away to keep me from digging the hole any deeper!  She was wonderful!   You may also know that my biological Mother was in my life and friends with the people who raised me.  The question I always had, was who was my biological Father?  I was told fabricated stories about my biological father that are not worth going over again.  When I was 32, I found my biological Father and called him.  He denied the connection and I called my biological Mother and confronted her with the truth.   She called my biological Father and they worked out the problems of the past and called me back, telling me the truth and then I called my biological father and talked to him.  He did not really want to talk to me, so I got little information other than him telling me how bad a lady my mother was.  How bad could she be, at least she stayed in my life!!  I talked to him once more, a few years later, and got the same response.  He died in 1989.

He had a son, with his wife, about 6 months after I was born. He has the same name as me and since he is from the same hometown as me, he has a Social Security Number that starts with the same first three numbers, most likely!  I called him once and he was nice, but has never contacted me again and has refused to return my calls.  I understand their reticence since they probably think I was trying to get an inheritance , which could not be further from the truth.  My half brother is a successful, published, electrical engineer and a senior officer in an electrical company.  He has succeeded and I am happy for him.  But, he IS my brother, blood related to me, and I would dearly love to get to know him, to learn from him, about my biological father, and the medical history of our family.

Through the miracles of Ancestry.com, I have found my biological Father's parents, my grandparents, their immigration dates, death dates, names of my uncles and other family members.  I even met, briefly, my grandfather at a car dealership he worked at.  I was 16 and purchasing an automobile.  Of course, he denied being related.

I am 60 years old, dying from a progressive neurological disease that was most probably caused by exposure to a neurotoxic chemical related to my Navy career.  I don't need any one's money.  But I do need to be accepted by the people I am related to..  My biological mother had three other children after me that were ALL adopted out and I, most likely, will never find them.  But this brother, with the same exact name as me, from the same home town as me, I do know and can have contact with.  But HE does not want to know me.  And that bothers me, more than anyone knows.

How does this relate to my Lewy Body Dementia?  It sets my end date.  My memory is failing.  My ability to deal with reality continues to diminish.  Before my mind quits working, I want to sit down and have a long conversation with my brother, in person.   I believe I deserve that.  Now, those of you who raised me, have stood by me through all of my issues in life, and who stand by me now, know even more than I do.  These secrets have been well kept, guarded, for my protection, and I understand and appreciate that.  But I have to believe someone knows my brother and, maybe even the other children, that my mother had.   I want to meet then, not rob them.  What could you possibly be protecting me from now?   Someone do something, before it is too late.

2 comments:

  1. I understand the need to know your roots; family makes us feel connected to the whole. Nothing is more satisfying than family love.

    caring for my mom with LBD, new husband and missing family, I forgot those in my life who love me... My REAL family. Not bonded to me by blood but by our hearts... The day I recognized them was one of the happiest days of my life.

    I pray that you find peace with this deep burning desire.

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  2. I am sorry to hear that your biological family does not want to interact with you.

    I grew up in foster homes and reached the point many years ago when I gave up 99.99% of any inclination to pursue having any biological family in my life but every now and then I do read something pertaining to someone's genealogical research and it stirs some tiny ember still alive in me that makes me wonder what it would be like to be part of a biological family. I guess what I am saying is that your urge is a natural part of being human, no matter how tamped down it may be in some of us (such as myself).

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