In the Navy, it was always said; "One aw shit wipes out 100 compliments!" Actually, the last term was at-a-boys, but I thought I would loose you with that one. Yesterdays anger out burst is certainly the "aw shit" in my week. I was doing fairly well. Cruising along as it was. I even went out alone to get a haircut at the Exchange and do a couple of errands. That was Thursday and even though I was emotionally drained when I returned home after 3 hours away, I felt like I was going to have a few good days. Then, the anger out burst happened and I am again questioning my position in the progression of my disease. So is my wife. Yes, we did one too many things yestrday, but I get tired of not accomplishing things and we had to go to the Commissary in prepare for our family's visit. But this event has shaken me to the core. I woke up at approximately 1AM having a fight dream and violently punching my wife's pillow. She woke me up, probably after she retrieved her catcher's mask.
This has been a difficult pill to swallow and frankly I am choking on it. I am going to try to go back to sleep. However, I am not done beating myself up over my lack of self-control.