Saturday, July 9, 2011

Old Navy sayings

In the Navy, it was always said; "One aw shit wipes out 100 compliments!"  Actually, the last term was at-a-boys, but I thought I would loose you with that one.  Yesterdays anger out burst is certainly the "aw shit" in my week.  I was doing fairly well.  Cruising along as it was.  I even went out alone to get a haircut at the Exchange and do a couple of errands.  That was Thursday and even though I was emotionally drained when I returned home after 3 hours away, I felt like I was going to have a few good days.  Then, the anger out burst happened and I am again questioning my position in the progression of my disease.  So is my wife.   Yes, we did one too many things yestrday, but I get tired of not accomplishing things and we had to go to the Commissary in prepare for our family's visit.  But this event has shaken me to the core.  I woke up at approximately 1AM having a fight dream and violently punching my wife's pillow.  She woke me up, probably after she retrieved her catcher's mask.

This has been a difficult pill to swallow and frankly I am choking on it.  I am going to try to go back to sleep.  However, I am not done beating myself up over my lack of self-control.

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