Tuesday, July 12, 2011

I remember what I remember.

My Lewy Body Dementia has "Progressed" to a new lower level.  I am having more stiffness, difficulty walking, jerking in my legs, and increased memory issues.  My walking has shifted more to a shuffle unless I really get going.  I also had the recent anger issues that I discussed before.  Those issues seem to be staying with me, much to my wife's dismay.

All of the issues are beginning to weigh me down.  My LBD has ran along at a stable level for some time, but now it seems to be accelerating.  While some people are negatively impacted by these events, I am not.  I have actually felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to fall for quite some time and it has been unnerving!   I get upset, as I have written before, with people who tell me; "You are not sick!  You look normal!  I forget things too!"  They are all trying to marginalize what is wrong with me because they are uncomfortable with my disease.  I saw an article about Glen Campbell's recent statements about his Alzheimer's Disease.  His wife said keeping him singing his music helped him retain his memory.  My statement to my wife centered around his wife's selfishness.  Her desire to keep Glenn "normal".  To keep that "shoe" in the air.  Well, I will not try to talk for Mr. Campbell, but for me, I want my LBD to progress and finish!

Can you imagine living with a tooth ache that the dentist could not fix, drugs would not subdue, and you could not get away from?  Well, that's how I feel.  My legs, arms, shoulders are stiff and hurt.  I can't sleep at night.  I see, hear and feel things that are not there.  I am suspicious of people  and I am angry at things that I probably should not be.  I am even having problems writing this blog.  My attention span is so short that I have problems concentrating.  And don't let me forget that my "Social Filters" are now so broke that I say anything to anyone.   I am not the man I once was, in so many ways.

All of these changes effect ME more than anyone else because I know better than anyone else that I am different.  My mind does not work like it used too and that effects everything else.  Ten years ago, I had the ascending half of my colon removed because of a tumor.  No big deal.  The surgery was relatively uneventful and I recovered and went back to work.  Maybe not as strong as before but good.  The only real side effect was that I went to the bathroom way more than before.  But, that made sense, I had half of the storage capacity.  Now, thanks to my LBD I suffer from constipation!  Try that with a 50% smaller tank!!

So, as I said, I really want the other shoe to drop.  Let's get this show on the road.  I am ready.

1 comment:

  1. This hurts my heart to read but is so understandable.
    Hubby feels much like you do lately and truth be told, I would want it too if I were in his shoes.

    He too has anger issues. His PTSD has been controlled for many years with Depakote. Lewy Body hasn't helped the situation either but we are managing.
    He also has constipation problems that he takes Miralax for. It is NOT like a harsh laxative. It's gentle enough to use daily.
    These 2 things make his life more comfortable for him so I thought you might like to ask your Dr about them for yourself.

    Hubby's behaviors effect me too so my goal is to keep him as comfortable and safe as possible.

    Prayerfully wishing you and your wife relief for these issues.