I have a follow up visit with the Psychiatrist this week. My first visit went OK as I said before. He was not judgemental and listened. I guess he was trained to do that! He thought that I was depressed and increased the dosage of my depression medicine. I told him and all of you that I am not depressed. The evidence of that is, the increase in meds did nothing for my mood, sleeping, desire to do things, or inner peace. Like I said, I am not depressed. The way I feel is a product of Lewy Body Dementia. All you have to do is go to WEBMD and look at the symptoms of LBD. As I have said for years; A blind man on a galloping horse could see that! But, that's why they call in "Practicing" medicine.
On another note, I read another LBD blog, I believe the title is "Living with a thief called Lewy. It is a great Blog from the care giver's prospective and has provided me much valuable first hand knowledge of my condition. Unlike having a broken arm or a pending root canal, people with LBD or other dementia disorders have few sources of first hand experience to draw on. We are blessed to have "Living with a thief called Lewy" to learn from. Now, if I got the title wrong, GOOGLE Lewy Body Dementia blogs and "Living with a thief. I may have the title slightly wrong, after all, my memory is not perfect.
In any case, I read in this blog that the husband, the one with LBD, stays up at night and raids the refrigerator. Me too! As I have said before, nights are not my friend, as you may be able to tell from the time of this writing. I spend many lonely hours playing Freecell or Solitare on the computer, jumping at every sound, seeing things that are not there, unable to sleep. It is good to know this is "normal" in our world.
Fear is something relatively new to me. In my Navy career, my career field did not lend itself to fear. Working around things that naturally blow up and kill people requires a good deal of self-confidence and self-assurance. Now, I am frightened by shadows, dark, financial issues, and the immediate future. I am not afraid to die. I am afraid what will happen between now and when I die. The unknown is frightening to me and that is another reason I stay in my safety zone.
Enough ramblings for now. Back to Freecell. See, there's nothing wrong with me, I know rambling when I see it.