Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Nights, I hate them.

I know I have written about this problem before, but it is truly getting worse.  I can actually feel myself getting emotionally wound up, angry, depressed, and restless, as soon as the sun starts to set.   Anything can set me off and it is all that I can do to keep my powerful emotions under control.  I certainly do not want to get angry with my wife.  She is innocent.  But I am not good company after dark.  I drift from the computer room to the living room and back.  Solitaire of Free cell on the computer tend to calm me, but I tire of them quickly.   I really don't want to do anything, noise, voices, motion, anything agitates me.

Looking forward to going to sleep is not a pleasant thought either.   If I do sleep, I dream constantly all night.  Never good dreams.  Mostly frightening and sometimes horrifying dreams.  Sometimes I wake to hallucinations.  Sometimes I just wake up and get up, spending hours at the computer.

This is really beginning to bother me and I don't know what to do.  I have some meds to take, and I do, every night.  But, they don't seem to take the edge off.  I have an appointment with a Psychiatrist the end of this month, at the bequest of my Neurologist.  Maybe he can help.  We will see.  My worry is that nights will be my down fall and the reason I am institutionalized someday.  Again, we will see.

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