Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Who is "That Person" in the mirror?

Have you ever looked in the mirror and not recognized the person looking back? I have, and it is not fun at all. I don't recognize myself and I know that I am not who I once was. But what is more frightening is that I do not know who I am. Yes, I know my name. But what makes me; my memories, my past, my profession, my dreams, are all fading. I live for the moment that I am in. I cannot remember, easily, what happened through the day, when I lay down to go to sleep. I have to concentrate to remember people's names that I should know. The names of people I have know for decades are just not there anymore. What is even more bothersome and frightening, is that I cannot plan for the future. I no longer see a future. I only see today, and I see that in a fog.

I remember 1991, a year of extreme sorrow and anguish for me. My Dad, whom I was very close to and loved dearly, passed away, my Father -in-law passed away, and my birth Mother passed away. All of these people meant a lot to me and I still miss them. Their memories are more dim to me now, but the pain is not. But I was able to survive that time, because I knew there was more to come. More life to experience, more challenges, more victories. This anguish and pain is deeper, because I know that I am fading into darkness. I am slowly disappearing from my own memory. I know there is nothing else after this. The person who looks back is a stranger to me know. And I don not want to get to know him.

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