Thursday, July 15, 2010

Progress or progression

This has been an interesting week to observe. I say that because sometimes, I actually feel like I am watching myself progress through this portion of my life from a distance. No, I don't think I am crazy, I just think it is a perspective I have developed. As I wrote last, we had a wonderful time with family and all the "Tourist" activities that a person who lives in a resort city never enjoys. That is strange in itself. We live here, yet we never went para sailing. I have never rode a jet ski either, I would like too, but I have never done it. In any case, I have been "recovering" from all the activities, while planning two big church events, and getting ready for our grandsons to arrive next week. So, to say the least, I am not sitting idle, but I am making sure I get my afternoon nap.

Back to the observation issue. My dreams have become more disturbing and more frequent, and even with the increase in the "Don't beat Linda Up" drug, I am constantly being woke up because of these dreams. Normally, I wake up three of four times a night. Linda says I twitch and move around, but she has not put her catcher's mask back on, yet. I have commented before on the fact that I have lost the motivation to do much of anything. If Linda does not plan it, I don't do it. I would be perfectly happy to sleep, sit around, and do nothing. But she has a way of keeping me busy with daily lists of "Chores" that have to be done. I don't actually know why, but she says they do. For instance, She decided I need a Passport. WHY, I am never leaving the continental United States again. Just the same, we applied to renew my Passport. Church projects keep us busy and that is good. I feel more engaged when I am doing something for the Lord. My best friend, Jerry, who is fighting his own medical challenges is setting up a scheduled "Shooting" time for him and I. So many of the times that I go shooting now, I am teaching someone. And I get little trigger time. But I still really enjoy shooting. And yes, I am still deadly accurate.

So, as I see all these things unfolding, and me being active within these little structures, I still feel like it is not ME doing the activities, but someone else. I still get tired from them, but if you asked me if I did this, or enjoyed that, for a moment, I have to stop and think; "Did I do that?". Again, since I have few points of reference, I wonder if other Dementia patients have this sensation. If you know someone who experiences this, let me know.

As a post note to some earlier ramblings about my bad experiences with UVA Medical, they have struck again. The man-child with the PHD in Neuro-Psychology assured me that he, the 14 year old Neurologist, and Linda and I , would have an appointment to discuss the cognitive scores test and their diagnosis the second half of July. We explained that we had company the July 4th week and than the Grandsons all of August. So, yesterday, I received my letter from UVA with the appointment information. You guessed it, 2 August. So, I called the number in the letter to change the appointment, played phone tag through a number of departments and finally got hung up on! I called the semi-literate woman who is the live voice and she finally got me to the Neurology clinic, where the receptionist had a good laugh at my telephone issues and the scheduling problems. Is anyone at UVA concerned with the well being of the patient. I called a patient onmbusman, who assured me she would get to the bottom of it and call me back yesterday. Just like the little boy who swallowed the quarter, no change yet!

Yet, as much as UVA frustrates me, I still have a surreal feeling about the contact with them, and my visits there. Yes, I know I went there, but it seems almost like a dream. So, is this progress or progression. We will see.

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