Regardless of what the medical profession decides the final name of my disease is, Lewy Body Dementia, Parkinson's with Dementia, Alzheimer's, Frontal Lobe Dementia, what ever, it is progressing and I see it from within way more that people see it from the outside. Lately, I have noticed a severe depression every night, starting when the sun goes down and lasting until I go to sleep. It colors my mood, my thoughts, my desire to do anything. Anything I watch on TV that is the least bit tense, sends me deeper into this darkness. I feel hopeless, alone, deserted, and worthless every evening. Sometimes, I can escape into my memories of the past, most times I cannot. I feel like I desperately need to cry, but I cannot. I want to scream, but I don't. I find myself staying up later and later. When I go to sleep, I dream vivid dreams that resemble real life. Sometimes they are good and comforting, but lately they too have been depressing and emotionally stressful. I write this because I know some who read this Blog are caretakers of individuals with the same issues. I am asking for advice, insight, and help.
During the day, the majority of the time, I fell good, on an emotional even keel, and in control of myself. But I am beginning to dread when the sun goes down. Any input would be appreciated. Thanks.