Saturday, November 7, 2009

Alone...

I have been struggling with an emotion that I have had problems dealing with. That is this overwhelming feeling of being alone in my struggle. Yes, I have a wonderful wife, a son who loves me, grandsons, a best friend that defines what a best friend should be, a Pastor that cares for me, a church family that others could only dream of, and co-workers that are concerned and caring. So, you say, why do I feel alone? Because I do not know anyone who is or has gone through what I am going through! I am, as I like to say, plowing new ground! And frankly, I don't like it. My doctor can't tell me exactly what I have or what to expect. The health care nurse that I talk to on a regular basis say that is normal for people with my conditions. That's OK for her to say, but I am a Navy Gunner's Mate. I have spend the last 40 years dealing in absolutes! Now, I have to work with vague ideas and an attitude of "Wait and See". It's damned frustrating, I don't mind telling you. Sometimes it makes me very angry. Other times I am very depressed about this problem. Both emotions are useless, because I can't commiserate with anyone about them. How I wish, there was a support group or even one person, that I could talk to about what is going on with me and what the future holds. Amazing as it may seem, I cannot find one site on the Internet that addresses Parkinson's with dementia. There are a few Lewy Body Dementia sites, but they are vague or out of date. Am I the only person in the world going through these diseases? I guess I really hope so, but I know better. So, my frustration and rage continue. Maybe someday, I will get to talk to someone and compare notes. Until then, I am alone...

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